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30 March to 6 April 2003 Grandma Bert and Grandpa Roy had not taken a vacation in almost 2 years, since their cruise to the Eastern Caribbean. So, in February, Grandpa took a look at the cruises being offered and saw that some of the prices were pretty good. He bought the next to best category cabin there was on the Carnival Conquest, Carnival's newest and largest ship. And was the cabin ever nice! While most of the cabins are so tiny you can hardly turn around and the tiny shower has a curtain that wraps to your body the moment you turn on the water, their cabin had a twin-sink bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub. No shower curtain for them, but a sliding glass door. Very nice! The cabin was larger than some motel rooms Grandpa has stayed in before he retired, and the balcony was larger than the last cruise, too. The Conquest was very nice, except the whole decor was French! And at the time of the cruise, people in this country were on the outs with the French. Oh, well, how could Carnival have known... The first two days of the cruise were just that: sailing, sailing, over the bounding main. Grandma spoiled herself the first day and paid for an expensive facial. The second day at sea, she had what Grandpa called "a stoning." That was a massage which used hot lava rocks placed on her body. The first port of call was Montego Bay, Jamaica. Jamaica reminded Grandpa of Russia, but with palm trees and sand. They visited the famous Margaritaville, made famous in the song by Jimmy Buffet. Later, while shopping, Grandpa bought some of the well-known Jamaican coffee to bring home and grandma bought some jewelry that had been made in Jamaica. Grandpa also got a cookbook for Jamaican food. But, if they ever do the Western Caribbean again, Grandma and Grandpa probably won't get off the boat if it stops in Jamaica. Grandma Bert wants to retire in Grand Cayman, the next stop. Grandma and Grandpa took the "highlights" tour and their bus driver/guide said that there is no welfare in the Cayman Islands. They believe it causes people to be lazy. Therefore, they have full employment. (There also are no taxes!) The differences between Grand Cayman and Jamaica were stark! Clean, beautiful, affluent, and 560 banks in a space only 24 miles long and 9 miles at the widest point. While they were in Grand Cayman, Grandma and Grandpa visited Hell. Yes, the little town really is called that because of the very unusual rock formations there. Grandma and Grandpa skipped the island of Cozumel to take a bus tour to the Mayan ruins at Tulum, Mexico. That tour took 6 1/2 hours. It included 1 1/4 hours each way on a tender and a stop at the well-known Lapis jewelry factory, where Grandma indulged herself with yet another gold necklace. She also paid for the Tulum tour since Grandpa had paid for the cruise. Although there were three or four cruise ships in port at Cozumel, plus a large number of resort hotels on the mainland, there were not that many people at Tulum, so Grandpa was able to get some good pictures. Grandma said here was also a well-built, topless lady flaunting it on the beach below the ruins, but Grandpa, as always, missed her as he had sat on a shaded bench to escape the hot Mexican sun and was talking to one of the guides. Oh, well, the story of his life... Grandpa was able once again to wrangle a table for two for dinner each night on the ship. (He spoke to the maitre d' early the first morning, who fixed them up.) The waitress was a Slovak girl name Anina and her assistant was a Russian, Nataliya, with whom Grandpa enjoyed speaking Russian whenever she was at the table. (Once upon a time, Grandpa spoke Czech better than he speaks Russian, but he has forgotten so much Czech that he barely spoke to the Slovak girl in Slovak, which is almost the same language as Czech, but without the "spat" R.) The only hitch of the whole cruise was the day they boarded. The ship couldn't dock on time (4:00 a.m.) in Gulf Port, Mississippi, because of high winds which prevented it from anchoring until after 2:00 p.m. in the afternoon! Grandpa had expected to be on board by 3:00 at the latest. As it was, they didn't get the passengers from the previous cruise off until after 5:30. Grandma and Grandpa finally got on board about 9:30, so they missed the first dinner. Their bags showed up about 10 minutes after they got to their cabin. They unpacked some of their things, attended the always-mandatory lifeboat drill and returned to unpacking. Grandpa called room service who brought them a sandwich and then they went to bed. And the only thing that really "spoiled" the trip was a guy screaming at a poor Carnival rep because he couldn't get on the boat when he wanted to. Boarding originated from a gambling casino near the pier in Gulf Port. The casino has a large, detached auditorium for shows, and people went there to get their boarding passes for the boat. Anyhow, Grandma and Grandpa had been given two tickets for lunch, which Grandpa really needed by that time (about 3:00 p.m.) They went to eat and afterwards they went wandering around the casino and came back into the auditorium about 5:00 p.m. A guy in his 30s was screaming very loudly at the poor rep about how he had been saving for this trip for years and it was so expensive and so on and so forth and what was Carnival going to do about it!!!?? Grandma and Grandpa didn't understand it. All this guy missed was one fancy dinner and a couple drinks he would have had to pay for, anyhow. The 10:30 opening night show still went on in the ship's auditorium. They still had the sumptuous midnight meal on the Lido deck. The boat was still sailing. The captain just raised the speed up a bit and got the Conquest to Montego Bay right on time on Wednesday morning. Speaking of the shows, some of them were pretty good. Grandma liked the broadway review the second night on board and Grandpa like the magician a couple nights later, although he was so sleepy that he kept dozing off during the show and missed some of the tricks. Security was high everywhere because of the war in Iraq. There were two Hum Vees parked on the pier in Gulf Port. Armed guards were clearly visible on all docks, in the US and at the ports-of-call. There were guys with machine guns (clips in) on the pier in Mexico. (Grandpa saw a woman posing with one of them when Grandma and he were returning to the boat from Tulum.) The Conquest had security guards on board who work for the cruise line. Once Grandma and Grandpa had their "sail and sign" cards (a plastic card that doubles as a key to the cabin and the only thing you can use as money - except for gambling - while on board), they gave the card to a Carnival security employee and bent over a box while their pictures were taken. Whenever someone left the ship at a port, he or she slid the "sail and sign" card into and out of a slot in another box. When he or she returned, he or she did the same, and the security guard could see on his monitor the picture taken the night the person boarded. Nice! No chance anyone could rob a passenger and take their card to get on board. All-in-all, Grandma and Grandpa had another nice cruise. They, especially Grandpa, can hardly wait until their next one!
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